Silent No More: Tina

This is the story of Tina, who spoke as a member of Silent No More Minnesota at the state capitol in January 2005. She already regretted the abortion she had as a teenager, but her regret became overwhelmingly clear years later, when she could feel the movement of a baby inside her.

Click to hear Tina's story

Transcript:

Hi. My name's Tina, and I'm here today, because twenty one years ago, I made the terrible and life-changing decision to abort my first child. It is my hope that by sharing my pain and regret that it will help someone else avoid a similar terrible choice.

It was the fall of 1984, and I had recently turned 17. I was in my senior year of high school and had my first steady boyfriend. It was late November when I first suspected I was pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, but I wrote it down in a journal I was keeping for English class. My mother accidentally came across my journal entry while browsing through my notebook.

As expected, my parents were shocked and disappointed in me. They took me to the doctor, who confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. The doctor suggested an abortion. I remember feeling very detached, like he was talking about someone else. This couldn't be happening. I didn't know what to do. I do know that I desperately wanted my life back to normal, and I wanted the look of disappointment to disappear from my parents’ eyes.

So I made an appointment for an abortion on December 28th. There's a lot I don't remember about that day, but what does stand out is the clinic counselor. She didn't counsel me at all. She did fuel the already raging fire of fear and doubt. She agreed with me that I was far too young to think about becoming a parent, and she reminded me that I had no way to support a child. She assured me that my life would return to normal, that it would be like this had never happened.

She lied. You cannot take the life of your child and go on like it never happened. I tried to pretend that everything was fine, but it wasn't. I couldn't concentrate at school, and eventually dropped out. I broke up with my boyfriend, the father of the child, and starting living a very destructive and promiscuous lifestyle.

I couldn't be around pregnant women or babies. I felt like I was contaminated and I would somehow taint them. I couldn't go to church, because I was certain that God was disgusted with me. How could he love me when I couldn't even stand myself?

Three years later, I met and married my husband, and in 1990 became pregnant with our first child. I had already started to realize and accept that my decision to abort my first child was a mistake and was trying to accept the fact that God still loved me and could forgive me.

The final event that convinced me once and for all that my choice had been the wrong one was the day I felt my daughter move for the first time. That was the single most wonderful and horrifying moment in my life. I was filled with joy and awe, at the same time with dread and regret, because it was at that moment that I fully realized what I had done.

I fell on my knees and begged God to forgive me, and He has. He also gave me the words and the courage necessary to be here today. God didn't make this happen to me, but He did allow it, and I believe that it was so I could be here for such a time as this. So I could speak out and tell everyone who will listen that abortion isn't the answer, and it doesn't solve any problems. It just creates new ones. And that is why I am Silent No More.

Tina's story is given here with the permission of Silent No More Minnesota. To obtain a copy, please contact SNMM and consider donating to their cause. Their message is powerful and one that more women need to hear before they have an abortion.

Contact info
Website: http://www.silentnomoremn.org/
Phone: 763-536-8800
Email: annmarie@silentnomoremn.org


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Silent No More: Valerie

But what about the women?